Your NHL-less Weekend Viewing Guide

That time again. How will we fill the time without real hockey but without talking to the people we love or scraping Killion off the sidewalk? Maybe you’ll find answers here…


Hogs v. Wolves – Well, it’s as close as you’re gonna get, Boyo. It’s Friday night and it’s hockey on an actual TV channel if you live in the area (My50). So no drunken scoreboard feeds on a tiny window on your computer, no-sireee-bob. If you have a couple pops and squint real hard, it might even look like the hockey you’re used to. And you won’t even have to squint that hard when Leddy is getting overpowered behind his own net. If he even plays. This one goes at 7pm tonight. You can also watch Oshawa and Guelph from the OHL on NHLN, if you don’t come with some sort of trigger that alerts you to it being totally weird to watch children play hockey. If you don’t, I’m not sure I want to know you.

Bulls v. Cavs – Good lord do the Bulls get to open up with some trash. After drunk-fucking their way to a win over the Kings Wednesday, they get this flaming trash heap. Kyrie Irving is kind of a thing, but after that this is a roster basically built so Charles Barkley can complain about it. And the Bulls will still make it close in the 4th.

NBA Doubleheader – If you’re into it, you can watch LeBron just laugh at the Knicks, and laughing at the Knicks is always kind of a good time. After that there’s the LA thing, where the Clippers try and pretend that they matter again and the Lakers hope that nothing more falls off Kobe while Steve Nash has to lie down on the sidelines even though he’s not playing because his back is essentially a Twix right now.


Man United v. Arsenal – For you early risers, it’s on ESPN2 at like 7am. This is where a DVR comes in handy. At least I know my Gunners-supporting college roommate will be suffering through this one, and texting me cuss words all morning that would make your hair turn green. He has two kids, by the way.

College Football – I’m told LSU and Alabama play at night and that it’s a big deal. Except when two big-time SEC teams play the score ends up being 5-4 and Nick Saban yells at a lot so all the college analysts have some footage to fap to later on. And Oregon plays USC in LA and we can watch the shots of the Trojan cheerleaders and students and ask ourselves why the fuck we went to school in the Northeast instead of out west. But hey, none of you Big Ten grads like to pass up a chance to pretend you matter, right? You’re running out of them this season.

Hornets v. Bulls – Another crap-tacular opponent for the Bulls. And a 3-0 start should lead a majority of Bulls fans to think that they can win a title without Derrick Rose. Look at how hard they play! You just watch, it’ll happen.


Bears v. Titans – This one’s going to be trickier for the Bears than people think. While the Tennessee defense has all the resistance of a unit led by General Custer, Matt Hasselbeck is just the type of patient, smart QB who’s perfectly willing to take his five yard gains all the way down the field. Bears should still win, and you can read all about it in this weekend’s Committed Idonije which comes out in a matter of hours! Yep, shameless self-promotion there, but I need to fucking eat.

NFL – Not quite the impressive slate this week. Steelers-Giants is probably the best you’ll do at 3:25pm. Oh, but the Skins have a home banker against Carolina, which I have to mention due to the various interests on this blog. Cowboys-Falcons is your Sunday night affair, if that does anything for you and I can’t see why it would.

  • Cowtowers vs Falcons…maybe…if the grass is done growing, ok I guess.

    • Joe Banks

      Are you worried about cheerleaders grazing at halftime?

    • girlphoenix

      shouldn’t you know better that dallas isn’t cowtown? …though they don’t even play in dallas so what does it really matter

      • it was a play on kowtow, which is usually just short of what Romo does before he gives up the ball. But since you mention it, they are closer to cowtown now than Big D.

  • 10thMountainFire

    Well, sources are reporting that the Winter Classic has been canceled.

    Like I thought all along… Bettman went into this entire process with the expectation that they’re going to shit away the entire year again. He thinks this gives him leverage. Fuck it all… we won’t see the NHL this year. And I’m ready to not give a shit anymore.

    • Joe Banks

      Sadly, I agree. No classic = no season = nothing on TV at the bars except bouncy ball.
      I picked a hell of a year to stop sniffing glue!

      • 10thMountainFire

        You know who likes basketball? Terrorists.

    • Z-man19

      I’d bet a fair amount of $ that they can still play the WC if they wanted to. What else would Michigan have scheduled for the Big House that day? I’m not all that confident they’ll play hockey this year but I’m not buying that canceling the WC is all that indicative of what will happen with the season. Just more PR bullshit

      • 10thMountainFire

        I’m guessing that most of the workers hired were hired explicitly for the purpose of the game being scheduled. I’m also guessing the logistics would be nearly impossible to re-acquire with such short notice. The WC is kaput.

        • Z-man19

          May not be as hard as you think. I don’t know about the people who build the rink but I’d bet the stadium personnel (ticket takers, concessions people, etc) would be easy to put together on short notice. I’d also bet that Michigan University would do about anything to make the WC happen, that’s a lot of $ they aren’t getting.

          • 10thMountainFire

            That’s a fair assessment.

    • I’m with you brother. I haven’t been around much, well… I’ve popped in to read from time to time but it is all just depressing and I haven’t much to say about all of that really. We won’t see the NHL this year, and I too am ready to not give a shit. It is just so annoying and irritating. Right now, I’m pissed at both sides (I still want to blame the little Napoleon, but I know it isn’t just him) because neither really seems to care very much about getting the game back to the ice. Clearly, nobody has any leverage with anyone right now, or we’d be talking NHL hockey. The owners have leverage and that’s pretty much it because eventually, the NHLPA members not named (insert name of player making 2.0 million plus per season) will begin to run out of money and need a job. My greatest hope (as a military member that cannot be a season ticket holder due to location, but otherwise would be) is that the season ticket holders get pissed off enough to turn them back in for a refund, that when they finally do decide to get back to playing hockey again, they play to empty houses for a month or so at least. Perhaps if the league begins to feel like they don’t actually control everything, to realize that they’re not the boss of me as a fan then we’ll matter to them. Until that happens though, they don’t care and they won’t care.

      I just want to cheer for/talk about our Blackhawks latest win – but I’d prefer that it didn’t happen a year or more ago.

      • 10thMountainFire

        Absolutely 100% this. Well fucking said.

        But this is what most of us said in 2004… so I have absolutely zero faith that Bettman and the owners wouldn’t do this again. They just don’t care. We’re saps. We’re suckers. We’ll be back, they know it, and they just go about their business ignoring us the entire way.

        The worst part is that while I understand that some people just hate unions so they oppose the NHLPA position simply because Rush Limbaugh feeds their hate and fears every day and some people want to equivocate and blame both the NHLPA and the owners, to me it breaks down to this:

        The owners signed an agreement in 2004. By signing it, they agreed to abide by it. Now they’ve decided, through their own mismanagement/circumstances of the economy/insert excuse here, that they no longer want to abide. Well, fuck. You signed your goddamn motherfucking name to that agreement. Your word is your honor. Why the fuck should the players believe even for one fucking second that the agreement they sign this time won’t get them locked out again in five years?

        Why would ANYONE sign an agreement if that agreement is just ‘for now until we change our minds’? The owners are to blame as far as I’m concerned… and no one will convince me otherwise.

        • Pretty sure the agreement had a set shelf life which is why everyone knew the CBA was going to come up again during the offseason. There’s nothing wrong with signing an agreement that stipulates progress will be reviewed in 7 years and the business model readjusted if needed. There are no surprises here and the NHLPA didn’t get farted out of an angel’s butt. They were also in no hurry to clear up matters during the offseason.

  • 2883

    The NHL is being really aggressive in their cancelling of games. Winter Classic is a full 2 months away, but he knows the players view it as a fun thing… So, here’s the better question, is there hockey in 2013-2014?

    • The Doctor

      Well you have to consider all the preparation time that’s involved in setting up the winter classic, from marketing to actually planning and coordinating the event. I can see why they cancelled it at this point in time.

  • raditzzzz

    back when we used to be able to discuss actual hockey, fels had a term for all of this that i think is still quite applicable:
    clown shoes

    • TheFullAmonte

      When I heard they were going to cancel the Winter Classic I thought it was a joke as it is completely unnecessary to cancel a game 2 months in advance. But then again as you say it is also unnecessary to beat the backdoor play to death (and I swear I’ve seen the Ice Hogs run it too).

  • Biscuits and Groovy

    Well, that was not a pretty first Icehogs game for me. God damn are wolves fans annoying. On the plus side, I won a $30 gift certificate by throwing a foam puck onto the ice. hooray

    • BodomSlayer

      Wolves fans are, indeed, annoying.

  • girlphoenix

    Anyone watching the Hogs game? Apparently the entire team has lost their fucking minds!

    • Is there a stream or video service?

      • girlphoenix

        you can find a stream at the usual place