Casanova_Frankenstein

While You Were Sleeping – The Nemeses Within

You may have forgotten it all, so I thought I would try and remind you what the rest of the division got up to before we all went into hibernation. Just a quick primer.

Scum – You may vaguely recall that Nicklas Lidstrom retired after last year. While this will cause a lot of gushing during every Wings game this year and a lot of whining about how much they miss him, none of that will come from Wings fans in the know (so that’s Graham and JJ from Winging It). Because as Hawks fans who got awfully familiar with the sight of Hossa and Toews torching him to the outside last season, Lids was a mere shell of the legend that we remember.

However, after a big push for Ryan Suter to replace him came up empty,  the Wings are staring at a gaping hole on the blue line. They hilariously signed Carl Colaiacovo to do….something. Brendan Smith will be up full-time, whatever that does for you. And Kyle Quincey will be around for the full season. So….yeah, attack this.

But oh, will they whine about the travel in this shortened season. Lord how they will whine.

Up front Scum apparently didn’t think Todd Bertuzzi was filling the annoying-yet-useless role enough, so they went and signed Jordin Tootoo. Who’s excited for the first, pointless Carcillo-Tootoo fight? That’s if Tootoo fights anymore, which he hasn’t really.

This will be the 17th consecutive year we hear about Gustav Nyquist and Tartar finally coming to carry the torch. Heard it all before. Holmstrom retired, Samuelsson plays like he did, and Franzen will continue to pour in the goals against Columbus before vanishing when it matters. Yeah, the empire certainly looks like it’s about to crumble.

Scum Jr. – This year, “St. Louis” should rhyme with “regression.” There’s no way they’re going to get the same level from Elliot and Halak that they did last year, though having two goalies who can play in this compressed schedule is going to be an advantage. The only boost to their blue line so far has been the return of Barrett Jackman, which is akin to trying to put an addition on your house by introducing termites. Except the termites would have a higher IQ. There are a couple kids to watch for in Jaden Schwartz and Vladimir Tarasenko, both will likely get a look. Ty Rattie is an outside shot. Whatever.

Nashville – You do remember them losing Ryan Suter and keeping Shea Weber against his will. They’ll try and fill that with Roman Josi and Ryan Ellis, both of whom will be better than we think. They’ll also have Hal Gill and Scott Hannan, who’ll be worse. They haven’t added a forward that matters, but that doesn’t matter either, because they’ll just find a way and it’ll be annoying. They punted their backup, and now will attempt to fill that role with Chris Mason again. Same as it ever was.

Columbus – Yes, they still exist. They punted overrated and over-babied Rick Nash for Brandon Dubinsky (who we’d kill to have in an Indian Head) and Artem Anisimov — who apparently is likely to live down the hall from The Ombudsman and hence will have to deal with that fucker pretending to shoot him every time he heads to the arena. They’re first pairing is James Wisniewski and Jack Johnson, which could solve the gas prices problem for the entire state of Ohio. They’ll be letting in odd-man rushes and breakaways for Sergei Bobrovsky and Steve Mason to stare blankly at. Seth Jones, here come the Jackets!

  • The OmBudsMan

    I’m practicing my Steve Avery glare of amusement….C’mon Artie let’s go get pancakes!

  • 2883

    The Preds are so frustrating good at getting a lot out of so very little.

    • Sparky_The_Barbarian

      I would love to see us play their style of hockey combined with the speed of some of our forwards.

      • 2883

        The Hawks have too much creativity from their best to play that controlled of a system. Can you imagine Kane trying to forecheck and be told he can’t dangle

        • Accipiter

          All forecheck and no dangle makes Kane go something something ….

          • 2883

            Makes Kaner a dull boy?

          • Joe Banks

            Make like a tree and get outta here?

          • ahnfire

            Order a limo & head to UMadison?

      • 10thMountainFire

        I would just love to have Pekka Rinne.

        • http://twitter.com/ChiNativeSon ChicagoNativeSon

          Ding, ding ding!
          Pekka Rinne = “NSH style of play”

        • detroit must die

          Here here,

          I don’t get this “Nashville Style of Play” stuff. they get torched every damn night on the possession game and have Rinne bail them out. St. Louis, is the team that actually plays this “mythical” Nashville system to a T, but their “totally” going to regress. Sigh.

  • 2883

    Also the CBJ are no longer the favorites to win the 1st overall pick (not that I think Jones will merit that honor anymore) with the new CBA, the draft has changed to a true lottery system for the top 14 teams (see the NBA)… I guarantee that this leads to rampant conspiracy theory (similar to the NBA) about the fix being in

  • Sparky_The_Barbarian

    Looks like we are in less bad shape than the rest of the division.

  • JesusMarianHossa

    Photo is like looking into a time machine and seeing what Roenick will look like in 10 years. Hell, maybe 5.

    • M7

      I’d say now.

  • unknown operator

    When does the anti-Jamie Kompon revolt/mutiny begin?

    • SamFels

      Tomorrow.

      • Joe Banks

        After he gets fitted for Clown Shoes?

  • justforkicks

    dubi =(

  • AirTrafficAJ

    I had heard a rumor that in a compressed season, the BJs would be kicked to the East and Winnepeg would join us. Any truth to this?

    And regarding The Peg, I’m officially starting the rumor that Buff will check into camp at a cool 289 lbs.

    • http://whatisthebestadverb.wordpress.com/ I am not Chico Maki

      Cant imagine that’s true. If they were going to re-align at all, even just a team or two, it would require approval from both league and NHLPA, and the last time they talked about it there was no talk about it.

      • http://whatisthebestadverb.wordpress.com/ I am not Chico Maki

        Thanks for the upvote, Bob. I was thinking it was deserving.

    • stacie7

      I read there would not be realignment for this year.

      • 10thMountainFire

        Of the NHL or Buff’s body composition?

        • Joe Banks

          That’s not realignment, that’s inflation…

          • http://twitter.com/ChiNativeSon ChicagoNativeSon

            Doh! (boy)

      • Joe Banks

        On CSN, they’re saying 5 games vs 2 division opponents, 4 games vs 2 other division opponents, 3 games vs all other conference opponents, zero games vs eastern conference

    • Z-man19

      I’m taking 288

      • AirTrafficAJ

        You’re that guy on the Price Is Right that everybody hates.

        • Accipiter

          Rod Roddy ?

          • Hi, I’m Bob LeDonne

            He gone!

      • http://twitter.com/ChiNativeSon ChicagoNativeSon

        You’re doing it wrong!

    • 10thMountainFire

      Under.

      • Hi, I’m Bob LeDonne

        ABOVEBOAT

    • Joe Banks

      I’ll take 310

  • flavius

    Gas prices?

    • Hi, I’m Bob LeDonne

      GAS PRICES GOIN UPBOATS

  • putmeinthemadhouse

    The KHL just declared all out war on the NHL…they are gonna get a can of legal whoop-ass opened on themselves.

  • 10thMountainFire

    God damn, I really fucking hate David Backes. I’m trying to find someone of consequence on the scorer’s sheet not named Bertuzzi that I hate quite as much in the division and I am struggling.

    • Hi, I’m Bob LeDonne

      KERRI STRUGgling

    • Waylon

      Ah, the hate is strong for Backes here as well – just waiting for our first game with them and their white trash fans telling us how captains aren’t really worth a shit to their teams unless they fight. Fun to watch the Kings really steamroller them last year, thought.

  • Hi, I’m Bob LeDonne

    What do we want? UPBOATS! When do we want them? UPBOATS!

    • ahnfire

      geez, Bob, so demanding…

  • http://twitter.com/ChiNativeSon ChicagoNativeSon

    So, Luongo for Hossa, right?

    /ducks 1st tomato, doesn’t avoid the 327 that follow. 328. 329…

    • flavius

      Slinging profanities instead….and for UPBOATS for Bob

  • birdhead

    Possible opening night against the Kings? For their banner-raising? I do not love that.

  • westy99

    So…you guys have a goalie yet?

    • TKHO

      That depends… you trying to dump us with Luongo?

      • westy99

        Dump? If you take him it’s not a dump.

        • Accipiter

          It’s probably worse than taking a dump.

    • Joe Banks

      Yup, -two of them – got a great deal on them too…

      • Sparky_The_Barbarian

        We’re gonna play em both in net at the same time and skate 4.

  • XxMJ20xX

    How quickly are we getting a schedule? They’re meeting today to ratify the new CBA correct?

  • Joe Banks

    SLGT says Tarasenko will “knock the NHL on it’s ass”…

  • detroit must die

    Well now this message is a bit old, but I’m just getting around to getting back in the swing of things with the lockout being over.

    Sam, I have to say that I couldn’t disagree more with your assessment of the St. Louis Blues. They are the team to beat in this division until someone wrestles that honor away from them. I agree with you that Jaro Halak and Elliot probably cannot repeat their level of performance, but lets be honest, its not like either one of them was asked to stand on their heads night after night. St. Louis was the best at limiting opponent’s chances. That defense is lumbering, but pretty effective at keeping everything outside. True, the Blues lack reliable scoring talent (no Backes and Oshie do not qualify there), and as such I think that excludes them from the serious cup contender debate, but this is a team built to rack up regular season points by choking up the neutral zone, sitting on small leads, and winning low scoring games.

    And its sort of a cop out to use Jackman to rag on their blue line (hell, the only boost ours got was Michal Roszvial, yay), considering that Pietrangelo is no longer really upcoming, more so he’s just here.