The Pyramid of Hockey Sensibilities


Click on image to enlarge

For those who may have missed it (get a subscription already), this ran in Sunday’s Indian.

This was inspired by Ron Swanson’s Pyramid of Greatness, the classic Rules of Rock (and Rules For Audiences of Rock) from Buddyhead, and a seemingly never-ending avalanche of shit on Twitter in the wake of the several incidents involving the Hawks and THE CODE, with people oh-so-politely questioning what exactly I’m looking for a hockey team to be. So here it is in handy infographic format for future reference.

  • Joe DeTolve

    T-SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • GerDevine

    This is awesome.

    • cliffkoroll

      if you say so.

      /badgerdano’d

      • GerDevine

        Ha! Well played.

  • JesusMarianHossa

    I take issue with the jersey numbers restriction. [points at avatar]

    • http://www.thecommittedindian.com/ Matt McClure

      Covered under the “reversals of usual numbers” provision.

      • HungryHungryPanda

        Hossa = OK, Frolik = Not OK

    • Sparky_The_Barbarian

      81 as a reverse of 18 is covered in the manifesto. Shaw is right out.

      Likewise, I was looking for ‘Keep your stick on the ice,’ but I suppose it’s covered under “Elbows in, hands below nipple level.”

      • Thrillho

        I think “Keep your stick on the ice” is covered in the Pyramid of FOR ALL YOU YOUNG HOCKEY PLAYERS OUT THERE.

  • Paul the Fossil

    This reminds me of a question which I’ve wanted to pose but the lockout got in the way, which is, shouldn’t there be a Committed Indian rec-league team? Perhaps in the Johnny’s league? Seriously.

    I betcha there are 15 CI subscribers and/or site regulars who play or have played or whatever and I could definitely find a goalie if one isn’t present here. (That’s often an issue with starting a new rec league team.) Seems like the Committed Indian should be present in the local hockey scene in that particular way. Though to be clear I’m not imagining that the CI would sponsor the team as in pay any league fees…maybe just buy some simple jerseys with the CI logo which would serve as a bit of advertising for the site?

    I’d be glad to help organize/recruit for such an effort, have quite a lot of experience along those lines. And whatever level division it turned out that a CI squad was appropriate for to be competitive would be fine (I’m just a C-league level skater myself). (In fact if the interested population turned out to be all beginners that’s cool too, we’d give McClure a clipboard and he can make the lines and try his Keenan impersonation out on the rec-league refs…)

    Would the triumvirs be interested in this idea enough to at least kick it around a bit maybe at one of the road-watch parties? (Though not this week’s one as I’ll be at a work event Thursday evening.)

    • Joe DeTolve

      That’s an awesome Idea…I mean I suck but I would gladly play under this banner…

      • Paul the Fossil

        Now that’s the attitude we’re looking for around here son, welcome aboard. And remember that there’s no I in “suck”.

        • Accipiter

          I sense a post in the Forum in the near future.

    • http://www.facebook.com/hair.helmet Hair Helmet

      Raditzzzz is a netminder

    • gate3half

      good idea, I would be in if it happens. I’m a C level player, but not too proud to be the slow guy on a B team.

  • Accipiter

    Seems sensible.

  • cliffkoroll

    slow clap.

  • laaarmer

    How does hitting the goalie in the face during warm ups fit in here, or the celli in warm ups?

    • Accipiter

      They don’t count it as a shot on goal.

    • Sparky_The_Barbarian

      You’re thinking of the Pacific Conference Hockey Pyramid.

    • Paul the Fossil

      Depends on how irritable your team’s goalie is. Also just a note from experience, you might think that “you know I don’t shoot hard enough to break paper let alone a mask” would be an acceptable defense but it never is.

      (Also you’d be surprised what kind of a bruise even a smallish goalie whose flown into a rage can inflict, that stick they use is _heavy_.)

  • Country_Bumpkin

    Just one question. If fights do not change momentum/ignite a team, then why do all the players say it does? I watched the Flyers/Pens game and Simmonds came out and dropped the gloves “to change the momentum” and “fire up his teammates”. Beyond this, the infographic is awesome.

    • http://www.thecommittedindian.com/ Matt McClure

      Because hockey players have had this drilled into them by coaches who are only measured in wins and losses to account for a talent gap. Saying it enough times from childhood into adulthood may make people believe it, but it doesn’t make it true.

      • Accipiter

        To me it doesn’t matter if the saying is true or not, or wether it effects the game in any way. You have to think there is a bit of a meathead in almost every player, they play a contact sport and enjoy the physical nature of it. People (not everyone) get fired up by watching fighting, why not the players who are involved in the game ?

      • laaarmer

        If you say it enough times, it becomes true
        /cliffkoroll’d

      • Country_Bumpkin

        MM, another question please. You say “Our PP will be our enforcer” but if your skill players are being (legally) checked out of their skates and injured, how can you utilize your PP then to enact punishment on the other team? I think fighting is needless, but I think teams do need to have enforcers to ensure the other team doesn’t take liberties with their skill players.

        • http://www.thecommittedindian.com/ Matt McClure

          You are 100% allowed to think that.

          • Country_Bumpkin

            Heh. I don’t know if I just got ripped or I made a good point! Much to learn.

          • http://www.facebook.com/hair.helmet Hair Helmet

            There are countless examples of teams who have not taken liberties with our skill players because we had an imposing enforcer on the roster (I’m using countless to mean there are none to count).

    • justforkicks

      do you really think anyone is going to say “no it was a fucking stupid move that did nothing for us” though?

      • Country_Bumpkin

        No I don’t think that but if this line of thinking is plain dumb, why don’t teams just stop doing it? Personally I think fighting is silly and detracts from the game but I do think teams need to have an enforcer/s just to keep shit from getting out of hand. If fighting were banned from the NHL I wouldn’t shed a tear. That being said, I’m ready for my pummeling.

        • justforkicks

          history? because they think it’ll deter something when it doesn’t necessarily tbh? certainly don’t think scoot, bollig, or mayers did us much good in the stopping injuries side of things. players always say this after a win as well, nobody ever asks how they feel about the fight if they’ve lost, you know?

  • Sparky_The_Barbarian

    To be honest I subscribed to the CI only as a thank you for all the fun I have on the game day threads, never expecting to get anything close to my money’s worth from the actual publication. Boy was I wrong. There are several LOL’s per issue along with some excellent (and sometimes ranting) hockey insight. This pyramid is now sitting on my desk. I had it laminated.

  • DJ

    Does Jagr get a pass because his number is a political statement (commemorating the Prague Spring of 68)?

    • http://www.thecommittedindian.com/ Matt McClure

      No. Neither do Mogilny or Fedorov in choosing their defection years.

      • DesertHawk

        Hard crowd….

        • Z-man19

          Tough maybe?

          • DesertHawk

            Yeah that’s what I meant to say… but I figured I’d own my dumb rather than editing, even if I realized I’d used the wrong word, immediately after hitting post.

  • Flavius

    As pyramids go, it’s a good one….however, to be accurate, I think it would be better to say fights seldom change momentum….sometimes they do.

  • Paul the Fossil

    Speaking of hockey sensibilities, because I was at the game I missed this sequence where Eddie O got all over Yakupov for ducking to avoid a Carcillo check. From watching the replay I’d say this SBN blogger gets it right and Olczyk is all wet — watch Carcillo bring his elbow and shoulder up to line up with the target’s head as he charges in! And it’s not like Carbomb might have a bit of a rep for dirty hits or anything…used to play against a guy like that in the Northbrook rec league years ago. He’d always, no matter what the situation or where you were on the ice, have both elbows up and try to drive through your face. Ducking so the guy flips over you is a completely appropriate response to such serial asshattery.

    http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/2013/2/25/4030386/ed-olczyk-mad-nail-yakupov-ducking-oilers-blackhawks

  • Jim A

    I disagree about the laces. Hell, maybe we can put different color laces on certain players so that Foley isn’t constantly calling the wrong player’s name (Stalberg, Bickell for example)

    • http://www.facebook.com/hair.helmet Hair Helmet

      Niemi, Khabibulin, Stanbo, Emery -> Crawford

      • Accipiter

        Yesterday Khabibulin took a wrister from the point.

        • Z-man19

          I can sympathize with Foley on the names, I’ve got three kids and they are likely to not get called their proper names. 40 some names in a hockey game, I’m screwing that up consistently

          • Accipiter

            He collects a pay check for calling the game, he should get their names right, especially for the team he is broadcasting for.

          • Z-man19

            True, but it’s gotta be tough with former Hawks on the ice.

          • Accipiter

            You have gone soft.
            /throws easy pitch

          • Z-man19

            TWMWS

          • Accipiter

            I plead the fifth.

          • Paul the Fossil

            Yea, this.

          • DesertHawk

            Gotta agree, I have one kid, who has been called by one of the dogs’ names and vice versa in the past. Additionally calling hockey names is at a much faster pace than I’ve ever had to rattle off a string of names.

          • Z-man19

            3 kids, 2 cats, a dog and a turtle. We had to change the dog’s name because the original was too similar to our youngest son’s name. My wife would yell at the son and the dog was ‘what the fuck did I do?’

  • bannerman

    perhaps there should also be a pyramid of hockey cluelessness.
    Some examples: shoot!, hit someone! moar fights, less hockey, real captains fight, putting the puck on net is always a smart play

  • Z-man19

    Kopecky with a hatty

    • Accipiter

      and 1 primary assist.

    • DesertHawk

      Kopgretzky?

  • Toews still makes funny faces!

    I still strongly disagree with the position of fighting does not change things. In short, if a player or players think it changes something, then it does change at least one thing and that is the mental aspect.

    As strong and as important as the Physical Skill is to the game, the metal aspect can ever be under estimated in its role in the play of both the individual skater, line and even team. If this was not true,why do we hear the words “His head was not in the game”. This statement by it’s very nature acknowledges that mental perception has a very real cause-effect on play. Trot Brower just a day or so ago stated just this about former tam mate in WAS Alex Semin. If a player is on the ice only thinking about getting payback for an earlier slight, is he as fully attentive to the play as he would other wise be. If another player is routinely getting crushed in the boards in the corner, will he eventually take his eye off the puck to look over his shoulder or even shy off in the corners to mitigate these hits?

    If those aspects of the game can and tend to be routinely contributed to being part of the game and influencing skater or the team, why is it such a stretch to think that dropping the gloves can not also have a mental effect on the team? Seeing somebody standup for their side can rally and inspire, but it can also do the opposite if done incorrectly.

    Working to make my men on a daily basis to have the correct outlook on the objective of things, even when the situation is painful is one of the most important things I can do. I can do this in many many ways, one of which is to fight FOR them to let them know I am not going to just sit by he wayside and let them get beat down. I will do this even if it means in the immediate short term it cause more work, because in the long term it creates more trust. But if I fight for them at the wrong time it can have a negative effect, by breading a sense of invincibility/or being untouchable that is false, or by creating more work for them without tangible long term benefits, or it may have no positive or negative effects at all and just waste time and energy.

    So, if the players really do think it does something, then it does influence the game. It does not mean that something is always good, or even bad, but it does mean that that something does exist and matter.

  • Jim A

    I’m just glad someone feels the same as I do about the numbers. I don’t like numbers in the 30′s, but I guess with numbers being retired they have to do it. I always hoped Bolland would take 26, but it’s probably the cranky old man in me, since I don’t have a lawn to yell about.

  • Lafferty Daniel

    Disagree with the soft elbow pads. 1 elbow fracture was enough for me and ice is hard.