Hawks Record When…

’16-’17

Playing at home 13-4-4
Playing on road 10-8-1
Scoring first 15-5-2
Opponent scores first 8-7-3
Pelico successfully doesn’t play “The Stripper” 13-4-4
Pelico forgets to not play “The Stripper” 0-0-0
Jesus freaks are protesting outside UC 0-0-0
Playing on a Monday 0-1-1
Playing on a Tuesday 5-2-0
Playing on a Wednesday 1-2-0
Playing on a Thursday 3-1-0
Playing on a Friday 3-3-3
Playing on a Saturday 5-1-1
Playing on a Sunday 6-1-0
Are out-muscled by opponent 6-7-3
Outshoot opponent 8-5-3
Are outshot by opponent 13-7-2
Patrick Kane scores 10-1-1
Jonathan Toews scores 5-0-1
Artem Anisimov scores 13-1-0
Artemi Panarin scores 9-4-0
Lovechild of Bossy and Tocchet scores 6-3-0
HART-MAN scores 6-0-0
Marian Hossa scores 13-0-1
Nick Schmaltz scores 0-1-0
Hinostroza scores 3-1-0
Duncan Keith scores 1-0-0
Duncan Keith sends shot into shins or glass 21-11-4
Tyler Motte scores 2-2-0
Brian Campbell scores 1-0-2
Marcus Kruger scores 1-1-0
Jordin Tootoo wastes all of our time 7-5-1
Brent Seabrook is allowed to play through concussion for no reason 0-0-0
Brent Seabrook plays as if concussed 0-0-0
Brent Seabrook scores 2-0-0
Gustav Forsling scores 1-0-0
TVR is a goddamn dumpster fire 7-7-2
TVR scores 1-0-0
Scoring a Power Play goal 12-4-1
Not scoring a Power Play goal 10-5-3
Power Play makes Baby Jesus cry 0-0-0
Allowing a Power Play goal 8-6-2
Not Allowing a Power Play goal 15-6-3
Scoring a short-handed goal 0-0-0
Allowing a short-handed goal 3-0-1
Score on two-man advantage 0-0-0
Spend two-man advantage playing hacky-sack 3-1-0
Kill off two-man advantage 1-0-0
Allow 5-on-3 goal 0-0-0
Taking 30 or more shots 10-2-2
Taking less than 30 shots 13-8-3
Allowing 30 shots or more 15-11-2
Allowing 30 shots or less 8-2-3
100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem 8-0-1
1st of a back-to-back 6-3-0
2nd of a back-to-back 5-1-1
Opponent played night before 7-1-1
Taking more than 5 penalties 2-3-1
Taking 5 or less penalties 21-10-4
Take too-many-men penalty 1-3-0
Keith takes a penalty 4-1-0
Toews takes a penalty 4-3-0
Kane takes lazy offensive zone penalty 4-2-1
Hjalmarsson takes penalty 4-0-0
Motte takes penalty 1-0-1
HART-MAN takes penalty 2-3-0
Seabrook takes a penalty 0-2-1
Campbell takes a penalty 3-3-0
TVR takes penalty 1-1-0
Rozsival takes penalty because he can’t move 2-0-1
Coach Q needlessly juggles lines into messy goo 0-2-0
Coach Q grinds Keith into the ground 1-2-0
TVR looks AHL-ready 5-5-0
Panarin get railroaded trying to stickhandle 1-0-0
At least 1 fight in 300 Level 0-0-0
No fights in 300 Level 13-4-4
Playing Central Division 8-6-1
Playing Pacific Division 7-2-2
Playing Flortheast Division 3-1-0
Playing Metrosexual Division 5-3-2
Playing in October 5-3-1
Playing in November 10-3-2
Playing December 8-5-2
Playing in January 0-1-0
Playing in February 0-0-0
Playing in March 0-0-0
Playing in April 0-0-0
Get obliterated on faceoffs 13-8-3
When even close on faceoffs 10-5-2
Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!” 20-8-4
Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4 1-0-1
Konroyd thankfully fills-in for Eddie O 7-3-0
Pat Foley tells boring anecdote for way too fucking long 6-2-1
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF WITH TREE-TIRTY-TREE! 3-1-1
Ice Crew comes out on the ice at the wrong time 0-0-0
Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her ass 0-0-0
Hawks correctly get rid of the ice crew 0-0-0
Leading after 2 periods 13-0-1
Losing after 2 periods 4-10-2
Tied after 2 periods 6-3-2
In overtime 5-4
In shootout 2-1
On Heritage Nights 1-0-1
Nazi-sympathizing Wife-Beater drunkenly stumbles around United Center 0-2-0
In 1-goal games 14-6-5
In 2-goal games 3-2-0
In 3-goal games 3-4-0
In 4+ goal games 3-1-0
Scoring more than 3 goals 13-2-0
Scoring 3 goals or less 10-11-5
PA plays St. Vincent 0-0-0
PA fucking plays 3’s and 7’s 2-0-0
PA plays TOOL!!!!!! 13-4-4
PA plays PJ Harvey 0-0-0
PA plays Gin Blossoms 0-0-0
Seabrook fights 0-0-0
HART-MAN fights 0-0-0
Toews fights 1-0-0
Panarin throws some fucking bombs! 1-0-0
On CSN 15-7-3
On WGN 8-2-1
On NBCSN 2-1-0
On NBC 0-1-0
Kitchen interviewed before 3rd 12-6-2
Dineen interviewed before 3rd 11-4-2

Updated 1/5

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